My brother was the complete opposite. He was the risk taker, grabbed life by the horns, and was never afraid to try ANYTHING new. I'm not just talking about food here. Hobbies, music, people, you name it. His theory was, "If you aren't living on the edge, you're taking up too much space!" And that's how he lived. Losing him made me really reevaluate my life, and it made me want to take advantage of every opportunity that came my way. After all, we will never know when our time on earth is up. Instead of having that effect, losing Josh did the opposite of what I hoped. I became more reserved and closed-off. I couldn't just trust someone completely, and my walls were built too high to let anybody in. If I did let someone in or if I did try to branch out, I was left susceptible to hurt, disappointment, or even loss. It wasn't worth it to me. I had been there before, and it really left me raw. So sameness and familiarity it was.
When Nate was offered a position on the dairy in Hawaii, I was REALLY excited, but at the same time was completely terrified. I had lived in one state my whole life and had never lived more than 40 minutes away from home. It would be new for me, but I was willing to take it on. I knew deep down it would do really good things for me, Nate, and our family. So off we went with nothing more than a luggage bag for each of us, moved across the ocean, and lived with complete strangers for a month until we had our own apartment.
COMFORT ZONE = BLASTED!!!
Seriously. How could it not be? But you know what? They were probably some of the best 4 months of my entire life. For once I was actually FORCED to branch out. I ate Chinese food for the first time in probably 10 years....AND LIKED IT! (Mostly because the food in Hawaii is the bomb.com, but that's another blog for another day.) I was introducing myself to people in the little shops of Honoka'a town. I was meeting new people at church, 100% fulfilling (and enjoying) callings, and for the first time since we have been married....I actually attended a Relief Society Super Saturday. I was always planning our next big adventure on the island, and we always did something fun and memorable each weekend. I thought, "Why did we never do stuff like this at home?" Probably because we never tried. We just assumed and said, "We will get there someday." Maybe next time. Maybe next summer. Maybe next week. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Well Hawaii put a kaput on that. AND NOW I HATE MAYBE!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not claiming to be a hell-raising rebel, nor am I claiming to be the perfect individual and Christian. And I don't say yes to everything, though that COULD be interesting. But seriously. God created a world so diverse and colorful....and I want to see and experience every last piece of it. I want to travel, eat crazy foods, enjoy the little things, and actually partake of what the world has to offer. THERE IS SO MUCH OUT THERE!!! You may be alive...but are you living? Are you stuck in a monotonous routine that really doesn't benefit you or the world? I'm not saying to go out and buy 100 lotto tickets, a vacation home in Fiji, or eat raw hamburger....because those ARE risky. I'm asking if you're living. When your time is up and you meet your maker, will you thoroughly enjoy your life's replay? Yes, there's going to be bumps and thorny patches along the way. We all have those- no doubt. But at the end of it all can you truly say, "I lived." You're alive. Your heart is beating. But are you taking it all in?
I love your enthusiasm for living life!
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