sometimes...

sometimes i don't understand,

and sometimes i get really angry.

i wouldn't say i'm angry at god,

because i know he has a plan.

i'm angry at my heart,

and how incredibly empty it is.

how after almost three years i am still incomplete.

he'd want me to be happy.

he'd want me to move on.

he'd want me to COWGIRL UP!

get over it

spread the gospel

never forget him

remember to laugh

get back on a snowmobile

not date jerks...

or wimps

forget myself

see thailand

work my butt off

not let people walk all over me

make good desserts...and not the bad ones

be there for kels

become the lady he knew i could be

smile at the diesel trucks...

or buy one

be the rebel without a cause

and maybe bash a bunny or two

drop a swear word because they work so much better than dang it or shoot

ride the horse

play jokes on mom and dad

and forget the stupid people we dated...

or crushed on for that matter

sometimes i do really well with him not being here

i lived two years out of high school without him

i was used to him being gone

a mission did us good

brought us together while being apart

but sometimes i just need a bear hug

a whisker burn

a sniff of cologne

a hoodie

a ride in old blue

someone to fight with

and tell me i'm awful at driving stick (please...i already know)

the smell of snowmobile exhaust

or someone to light a fart for crying out loud

but i know sometimes he's around

i just can't see him

and sometimes he worries about me like i worry about him

sometime we'll be together again

until then...

sometimes a girl just misses her big brother

sometimes my insides hurt

sometimes it's hard to be happy

sometimes it's hard to move on

sometimes i want to rewind time

sometimes i want to fast forward

sometime i'll be okay

sometime

(he's so cute!!)